The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
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