It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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