She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
