Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
