Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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