Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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