Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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