2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
