I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
