dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
