I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
