I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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