my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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