He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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