I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
