Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
