It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
