I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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