I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
