Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
