If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
