Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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