someone threw a dead crab at me
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
