and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
