that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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