Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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