Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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