she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
