we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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