it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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