Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
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