i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
