Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Someone signed my nipple.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
