And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
