true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
