I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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