wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
