How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
only if we run a train.
done.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
