so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
