Yo dont text me then not text me
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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