Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
