I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
So much Jack, so little girl.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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