i just sold back the books i vomitted on
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
