another moral hangover. fuck.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
