apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
A+ Viking dick
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
