i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
