the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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