I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
