Your mouth is God's brothel.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
