I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
