Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
